Hi my dear children! It’s Patti here, and I wanted to respond to your request in one of your letters to Friends Ink, our volunteer writing team, about some strategies we might use to deal with feelings of anxiety and fear. Our friend Kim gave you some good ideas to follow, and I saw in your letter that some of you do have struggles sometimes during testing time at school. I am sure there are other instances where you might feel worried, but I can certainly relate to your concerns during tests and examinations at school.
I am sure Father Tesfa has probably shared this thought, but I do know the best strategy for confronting testing is to know you have done your best to prepare. There is a lot of relief in knowing you have worked hard to prepare, and you should feel proud in yourself when that is the case. No matter what the outcome of the test scores, you must remember that you did all you could to get ready. Remember my dears, we are not all as skilled as others at every chore and every subject matter. All the preparation in the world will not always be enough when there are certain ideas or information that don’t seem to want to stay in your brain. Do you remember what I told you about my struggles with reading and language classes? I am certain I worked as hard or harder than most of my friends to prepare for testing in this subject, but that did not end in great test results for me. I felt very upset about that for a long time, as I know any of you might when you get a poor test result. It took me a long time to accept that this was simply an area of struggle for me. Accepting ourselves means we must know our strengths AND our weaknesses, and loving ourselves for all the ways we are in the world. The key is to remember that you worked hard, and that is the only thing you can control. The results of that work can often be outside of our control, and we must remember that not all of us will be excellent at every challenge. This is where we learn to practice grace for ourselves, just as we would for our friends who might struggle. Grace means showing goodwill to yourself or to another person.
Now, when test time comes, and that yucky feeling starts in your stomach, and your nerves start to build, I want to tell you maybe one more strategy to help you get through it. It is called grounding. Have you heard of this strategy?
You can play the 5-4-3-2-1 Game
This game or technique to help sooth your anxiety is about using all 5 of your senses to soothe you: sight, hearing, touch, smell, taste.
Name 5 things you can See in the room you are in.
Name 4 things you can Feel in the room you are in. As an example, it could be a friend, a book, the shoes of the child sitting close to you and your teacher.
Name 3 things you can Hear in the room you are in.
Name 2 things you can Smell in the room you are in.
Name 1 thing that you can Taste in the room you are in. If you are not able to taste something, think of one thing you like about yourself.
If you cannot think of 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, etc. don’t become worried or anxious about it. Simply observe what you can.
Here is an example of how I might practice grounding. Let’s walk through it together.
When you realize you are starting to feel anxious and/or afraid, it helps to focus really hard on all the things immediately around you so you can confirm that you are safe. If you are sitting, let your mind focus on the chair you are sitting on. Feel it holding your body up. Feel how strong it is underneath you, and know without a doubt that it is holding you up. Look then to your hands. Look at how your fingers can flex and relax. Hold a pencil in you fingers and feel the texture of that pencil in your hand. Your fingers know just what to do to grip that pencil, and your brain knows exactly what you are holding in your hand. Look around to find a face of someone you trust. Look at them and remember, they are there for you and you know they are your friend and they like so many things about you. Find something in the place where you are that maybe holds your favourite colour. Think about how that colour makes you happy and feel pretty or bold. If there is sunlight nearby, observe how that light makes anything it touches so bright and easy to observe. If you can, look where the sunlight touches things, and observe how much detail you can see. Take in a deep breathe. Is there a smell that tells you a story? Maybe there are flowers planted close by. Breathe in their smell and think of how beautiful they are. Help your mind to remember, you are in a safe place, and you are surrounded by others who know you and support you. This process will help chase away the nervous thoughts.
One last strategy I often use when I am getting anxious and upset is to listen to or sing and dance to music. Now, I know when you are at school and about to take a test, you can’t possibly sing out or start to dance. The teacher and your friends will think you are being silly. Our brains tell us about our fears, and if we don’t chase those thoughts away, they can really take hold. That is why I have a song that I keep in my mind for just these scary moments. It is a song I picked for myself that reminds me when I am afraid or unsure that everything is okay. Sometimes my brain tries to convince me to be afraid when I don’t need to be, so I chase those feeling out by remembering the words to my song.
I am going to write out some of those words for you here, but I sure hope you can find a song that fits just for you.
Brave by Sara Bareilles
Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave